Titus 2 womanhood

Sometimes you gotta set the record straight

Cutouts Of Letters

I saw something online yesterday that made me want to set the story straight about my repeated request for prayers this Summer. There was a discussion going on about a post I made on FB asking for further prayer concerning our financial distress. Some were telling me to reach out to my church. Others made different suggestions concerning resources to turn to and so on. I appreciated all their input.

Someone commented that, since so many others were in desperate need, she never asked for prayers or shared her needs as she didn’t feel right about it. This bothered me. Partly because I don’t want to be seen as asking for help simply because I ask for prayers. Partly because I honestly don’t want someone who needs prayer not to ask for prayer because someone else’s need might appear to be greater. The Lord in His mercy and kindness divinely appoints our troubles and trials and He does so for His glory and our good. Just because it appears someone else is suffering more doesn’t mean your suffering isn’t great. And just because it appears someone isn’t suffering much doesn’t mean they aren’t. No one can ever fully understand someone else’s story. The Lord knows and that’s what matters.

I deeply appreciate prayer, y’all, and that’s why in my hour of need (any kind of need) I ask for prayer. I do not have a family to turn to so I turn to my family online–you guys. My brothers and sisters in Christ.

My Father owns the cattle on a thousand hills and this is His world. He can and does provide as He sees fit whether for me or for any of His other children. As His children, we must trust in His provision.

My family has had a truly difficult year and it remains so. I have, by God’s grace, made great and wonderful progress towards getting our bills caught up and our needs met but we’re not there yet. Honestly, we’ve still got a ways to go. Today, we had another major setback. My son’s workman’s comp failed to come through in its entirety. Instead of $400 for two weeks, he received $200. That’s so much less than what we were expecting. And I’d been planning to pay our car insurance which is due tonight and pay towards catching up the water bill (I have one week left to pay it; I had thought until last week that I only owed one month’s bill but I actually still owe two; it’s not like me to ever get behind but to lose track is unthinkable. It’s just been that kind of year.) My younger son had a job today he was supposed to do and earn $100 but that, too, failed. And that’s alright. God is in control.

My story is kind of hard to understand if you don’t know us. I get that. Why aren’t we doing better? Why am I consistently struggling? It’s all hard to comprehend, I imagine. But the simple truth is that I’m honestly trying. I’m the separated and soon to be divorced (with biblical reasons) wife of an abusive man who used and abused my family and left us in desperate need. When we left (there were absolutely no other options open to us), we had absolutely nothing. And we needed everything. And we’ve had one disaster after another since then with lots of blessings in-between.

My family is not in need at the present time due to laziness but because my husband was an abusive man, addicted to porn, who also couldn’t hold a job and repeatedly ran up multiple thousands in debt–repeatedly. He’d pay them down or bankrupt on them and run them up again. To this day, he owes landlords, utilitiy companies, other companies, family, friends, and loan companies. He was fired repeatedly. We moved nearly 20 times, often to run down houses. Without you having the ability to see the last house we lived in with him (or several of the others for that matter), it would likely be impossible for you to even begin to relate to or understand just how bad it was. Holes in the ceiling where water poured through, rotted porch, graffiti on the walls, cabinets torn off the wall, rotten floorboards, no heat, no air. And on top of all of that, my husband often didn’t even pay the rent. We went with him because I had no one to turn to, no one who could or would help.

We lived in abject poverty for well over a decade. It was always difficult before that but not always that difficult. The last 15 years had been nothing but an endless downhill spiral. No matter how much I or the children were able to work and bring in (and we tried so hard), it disappeared and we were still left with nothing.

But back to now… We started out in need and we’ve worked hard to get out of it. We’ve made good progress. But we’re not there yet. We’ve had tremendous setbacks this Summer. God has His reasons for allowing it. I’m trusting in Him.

So, to continue my story, yes, we’re in need, and yes, I asked for prayer multiple times but, except for briefly trying a GiveSendGo last month which netted nothing and I quickly took down (it embarrassed me that I’d even tried it). I tried it because at the time I was feeling desperate and was facing disconnected utilities. I took it down and decided to simply trust the Lord and not seek help just as I always had before.

Besides that, I haven’t asked for help. I do put out prayer requests online because I have no family and I love the saints on line. I reach out to y’all because I trust y’all. I pray for y’all when needed and I trust y’all to pray for me. This is true of the saints I engage with everywhere. Besides blogging, I’m on Twitter, Gab, and FB and on each I have a group of folks whom I love and have been so blessed to come to know. So I want to say this: If you, my readers, or anyone on any of those sites, have taken my pleas for prayer as pleas for you to hand over money, they weren’t. They were just a plea for prayers.

Now, it’s true that I do have a section for financial support on my blog because running my blogs, with all the research I do and the time I spend praying over and actually writing the articles and compiling the pages, takes much of my time. I take God’s command to not teach lightly and I study deeply and often and much to put out an article. I love my sisters and I take my position as an older Titus 2 woman seriously. The money I get from Patreon, the occasional donation, the bit from Buy Me a Coffee, or an occasional gift from my Amazon wish list is a help as this is truly a labor of love. Those things help to keep the blog going and perhaps expand it (which I have done recently with starting a group for Titus 2 women on both Gab and FB; I also run a page on FB). I have plans to start a channel or a podcast (if I can work out all the technical stuff). Many other bloggers have similar Financial support pages, Patreon, wish list, and so on. You are always free to ignore them on my blog or theirs and most do. Only those who feel called to help ought to contribute to those anyway.

I cannot hold a job outside of the home due to multiple autoimmune issues, nerve damage from a wreck, and lung issues, and so on. Even though all of that, I work hard at home as a keeper of my home and to help bring in income. My daughter and I work hard at our Etsy shop. She teaches ESL. We as a family are working on various other ways, other side businesses, other gigs or jobs, to bring in money so as to counter effect the disasters this year had wrought and stabilize.

This year was especially hard as my son was injured (losing us two months of income before his workman’s comp kicked in and now he’s pulling in half of what he was before on the comp) and that came on top of extensive car repairs and the loss of over $600 in monthly income from another source. Add to that the incredibly high power bills (even set at 79 in Summer, they run $500 a month) we get in this house and various other unexpected bills and to be utterly honest, it sunk us. I’ve been told that I ought to try harder. Okay, how? We had a net loss of over $1500 a month for months on end, extra bills, unexpected bills, a stupidly high power bill, and had various other things go wrong. It’s hard, especially with no family and no one to turn to.

Yes, I could keep my needs to myself but we are told to ask for prayers. That’s what I have done. Thank you to all who have prayed for us. You have no idea how much your prayers mean to me. To anyone who has misunderstood, I am sorry. I tried to make it clear, even when someone offered help, that help wasn’t what I had asked for. I always tell anyone who offers that they don’t need to feel that they have to as what I was asking for was prayer.

I hope that helps to set the record straight somewhat. Thank you, thank you, for the prayers. God bless you all!

Anna

Soli Deo Gloria!

Photo by Magda Ehlers from Pexels

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2 Comments

  1. doreen says:

    Good word from you Anna.
    And I am praying. God bless.

    1. Thank you, dear sister. Soli Deo Gloria! ~ Anna

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