Titus 2 womanhood

Silent silver bells, cold December days, and Christmas

Merry Christmas Text

My daughter fainted at church Sunday night. She’s gone to sing in the Christmas choir failing to realize she was getting sick. During the reception, she fainted dead away. She awoke to folks hovering over her nervously and a doctor, a church member, checking her out. Praise the Lord, besides being a little sore, she was not injured in her tumble.

We all have flu. One son is throwing up. We’re all very weak. Along with flu, I have bronchitis. When I get sick, it typically goes into my lungs. This has been a lifelong thing with me, starting when I was little. As a baby, I developed a raging fever. My father, an abusive drunk, kept Mama from taking me to the doctor. When he finally let her take me several days into it, the doctor told her that my immune system would be damaged and that I would develop every allergy in the book. He was right. I spent my childhood in and out of doctor’s offices and the hospital, living on antibiotics and other medications, and trying to survive. Whenever I would get sick, it would go straight to my lungs. I’ve had bronchitis and pneumonia dozens of times in my life, sometimes multiple times a year. Several times when I was growing up, doctors thought the end was near and told Mama to prepare accordingly. The Lord had other plans. Decades later, I’m still here.

Though I’m still here, I’m still struggling with my health. Right now, I’m trying to keep this from going into pneumonia. This isn’t easy considering that my lungs are damaged, my immune system is a mess, and I also have multiple other health issues, including but not limited to asthma and several autoimmune diseases. This past Spring when I got flu, it went into a rather bad sinus infection, bronchitis, and pneumonia. It took me three months to start healing. It feels so good when I have a few months where I can freely breathe. If you have never struggled to breathe for months on end, I guess you might not understand. But this has been my life. I don’t know what it’s like not to have–at some point during the year (and usually several points and for extended periods)–trouble breathing. Sometimes I wonder how many more times I will have pneumonia before my lungs simply cannot handle it any longer. It really doesn’t matter; I’m not concerned. My times, like everything, are in the hands of God. Nothing can destroy me as long as it isn’t my time nor save me once it is.

I’m feeling very weak today. I am nauseous and having trouble eating. I had to sleep nearly sitting up due to the cough and congestion. All a part of it, I suppose. I’m taking what supplements I have been able to get. Supplements, yes, rather than antibiotics because most often antibiotics don’t work for me. My system was damaged by repeated overdosing of antibiotics and other medications and now otherwise useful meds either overwork or underwork or fail to work at all. I’ve had antibiotics make me very sick and fail to work at all. When I was in the hospital two years ago, the medications they gave me while I was there crashed my blood pressure leading to a dangerous situation; then they had trouble getting me stabilized. That’s not the first time my BP has crashed while I was in the hospital. As I said, meds don’t work on me like they are designed to work.

December is a time of silent silver bells in my family. We’ve faced so much suffering, so much loss in past Decembers. My grandfather, uncle, mother, my daughter’s best friend, and my beloved childhood dog (and best friend) all died in December–three of them in car wrecks. Painful reminders of the need for Christmas and all that flowed from it–for Christ to be born, live the perfect life, die a substitutionary death and be raised again so that He could defeat death. Without this, we’d be without hope. Without Christ, we’d all be lost. But because Christ came, no matter how much we struggle, we have cause to rejoice these dark December days for the Light has come. Christ is everything. I pray you know this.

This month continues to be a time of struggle for my family. Our struggles are not on par with the sufferings of many whom I know of. A friend’s mother is dying, another just lost her first born, yet another is facing cancer, others still are very sick with Covid. And so on and so on. Our struggles don’t come close; yet, they are real and chosen by the Lord for us. As such, they are in some way suited for us and a vessel for bringing glory to the Lord. We’re ill, our financial struggles are exhausting and oh so very real (and prayerfully will one day be behind us; we’re certainly striving for that but for now are seemingly endless). Being sick and no one well enough to stand up to cook meant having to purchase some sandwich items and a few other easy to prepare items putting additional and unexpected stress on limited funds. But God is sovereign and none of this is outside His control. I’d appreciate your prayers that we soon improve with flu, for my long-term health, my son’s back injury, that we’ll be able to stabilize our wobbly finances, and that my family might grow in knowledge, wisdom, and understanding of His Word.

Thank you. And Merry Christmas!

Soli Deo Gloria!

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2 Comments

  1. doreen says:

    The health of your family is so poor. Must be due to poor eating and not having the money to buy healthy foods like greens, fruit and other foods.
    Will be praying for you.
    God bless.

    1. When we were with my husband, we lived for several years in a house with black mold; on top of that, we had various other issues threatening our health, including poor food. Our food is better now but it’s been an uphill battle trying to turn our health around. Thank you for your prayers. God bless you, too.

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