Looking at domestic abuse through a biblical lens
No matter what our subject, as Christians the Bible must be the lens we look through. This is true on everything from church government to parenting; it’s equally true concerning domestic abuse.
Not everything that is called domestic abuse is actually abuse. This is important to note in order to protect those who are actually victims of domestic abuse and to expose all the frauds within the abuse system. Too often when women don’t get their way, men actually step up to lead, or a woman is told “no” by her husband, someone is going to step up and claim she’s being abused.
Domestic abuse is about control. The abuser is determined to get his way and uses whatever resources he has available to him to force his will on another. It is a repetitive set of actions that are intended to force another person in your family to do what you want, no matter what harm might be caused to them. The perpetrator uses fear, force, pain, lies, threats, humiliation, and/or coercion in order to gain control over another person, usually his spouse.
Domestic abuse might involve physical, sexual, emotional, financial, spiritual, verbal abuse or even forced isolation of his victim. Yet much of what falls into these categories that is claimed to be abuse, isn’t. Victims are encouraged to see as abusive things that aren’t (Did he yell at you? Did he put you on a budget? Did he…act like a biblical husband? Obviously, he’s abusive).
The domestic abuse industry
Feminists ruin everything they touch and they have fully infiltrated the domestic abuse industry, women’s shelters, domestic abuse counseling, and all else related to helping women who have been abused. Too often, women are counseled to see themselves as being abused when they aren’t. Feminists, having no biblical understanding, pounce without mercy on those in traditional and patriarchal marriages.
“Believing what [feminists] say about family violence is like believing what the tobacco companies say about cancer… [M]isleading statistics are a deliberate fund raising tactic for women’s shelters. The shelter movement almost never mentions scientific studies.” ~ Sam and Bunny Sewell, Family Resources & Research.
Abusers lie, many within the domestic abuse industry lie, and some who claim to have been abused weren’t actually ever abused. We as Christians must seek to help those who are being abused while not believing lies or furthering the purposes of either the abuser or the abuse industry. It takes seeking Christ and His glory to traverse the evils on all sides. In order to help abuse victims as the Lord would have us to do so, we must understand what domestic abuse is and isn’t.
What abuse isn’t
Domestic abuse is not your husband’s ill-temper, general impatience, selfishness, or air of superiority. You are not being abused when you don’t get your way. A man like this is in sin but he isn’t abusive. He needs to be called to repentance not threatened with divorce or charged with abuse.
There’s a world of difference in a bad marriage and an abusive one. A bad marriage may see the two of you fussing and fighting and never getting along but that doesn’t mean either of you is being abusive. That’s called sin. You are called by God to submit to your husband. He is called to love you like Christ. If the two of you are failing in this, you are both in sin and need to repent.
Being called to submit to your husband doesn’t make you a doormat. You don’t have to like the decisions your husband makes but disliking them doesn’t mean that he is being cruel to you. Yet our modern feministic society says otherwise.
Seeing what isn’t abuse as domestic abuse actually hurts the real victims of domestic abuse. Crying wolf hurts everyone because if everything is abuse, nothing is.
As Christians, we must do all things for God’s glory. This includes understanding abuse and helping abuse victims.
Soli Deo Gloria!